healthy sports

Back to School: with a healthy attitude

by Barry Bittman, MD

I’ve never forgotten the way I felt the last few weeks of summer. Every year, as August turned into September, I anticipated the school year with a knot the size of a baseball in my stomach. Fortunately, it shrank considerably after I settled into the first week of classes. Rarely, did it ever completely disappear.

That uneasy feeling could best be ascribed to a renewed sense of pressure, though in my case, it was self-imposed. For even though I worked during the summers of my teenage years, they were basically care-free times. I needed a break from the constant push to excel and the uncertainty about my future.

Yet 35 years later, with my younger son beginning his third year of college and my daughter entering her senior year in high school, I observe many of the same emotions in them that I experienced decades ago. And that baseball-sized knot in my stomach is back again. The problem, however, is that as a parent, that sense of uneasiness about the well-being of our children doesn’t fade so rapidly.

And in the wake of Littleton, every parent has to stop and think that perhaps the pressure is too great. Something has to change. Perhaps we, as parents, have to change first.

You’re probably saying to yourself that the pressures of growing up in a competitive society are never going to change. While there’s a part of me that tends to agree, there are some doubts. I’ve often wondered whether we, as parents, perpetuate the stress, while failing to teach our children to adequately deal with it. One thing, however, is certain. Continue to do the same thing and the results never vary.

The question we face today is where to start. Why not consider beginning at home? We need to change our collective attitudes about who should be responsible for imparting survival skills to our children. Our school systems are consumed with a mandated curriculum, and the classroom shouldn’t be the only place where kids learn about living.

It might be valuable to consider:

· Each child is an individual, and it’s time we, as parents, threw out the mold.

· Children absorb what they see and hear early on. Not surprisingly, they yearn for the freedom to make their own choices.

· Children must be taught to assume responsibility for their choices. Yet they must do so within bounds that we, as responsible parents, set. Don’t allow nose or tongue piercing, or the tattoo because you are afraid to deal with the consequences of saying “no.” Don’t allow a “poor me” attitude to sway you.

· Let’s stop emphasizing good looks and the perfect body at the expense of everything else. It’s a sickening fact that breast implants are now on the rise in 16-year-olds. A recent interview with actress and model, Victoria Rowell, starring as the coroner with Dick Van Dyke in Diagnosis Murder, provided some unforgettable words of wisdom. She commented that good looks alone are never going to get anyone on the cover of Sixteen or Mademoiselle magazine. She emphasized, “it’s what’s inside that counts.” She knows first hand. Rowell, who has starred on screen with Eddy Murphy and who has appeared on those covers, grew up with adversity¾ she was a foster child.

· Let’s begin to set realistic standards our children can meet. Just because a toddler can stand up on skates, doesn’t mean that training for the Olympics should begin at age 5. Leading sports psychologists are concerned that a growing number of parents are destroying their kids. While most coaches cite psychological descriptors like “enthusiastic” or “motivated” when questioned about what makes a winner, parents often do not emphasize these qualities. Many turn to special sports camps and push relentlessly for that college scholarship, without really knowing what their children want. According to Shari Kuchenbecker, author of the soon-to-be-released book, Raising Winners, “The Number 1 thing coaches want is a kid who loves to play. But many parents assume that coaches want physical skills.” A number of coaches surveyed by Kuchenbecker noted that the parent was often the coaches worst enemy.

· Ultimately, establishing a meaningful rapport with our children, their teachers and guidance counselors can make a difference. Ask your kids about their choices, the pressures they’re experiencing and their expectations. Strive to cultivate an attitude conducive to working problems out meaningfully. Even when they don’t want to communicate, it’s up to us to never stop trying.

An important aspect of loving our children is encouraging them to realize their dreams. Inspiring our children to find happiness and inner peace is an ongoing challenge that often leaves a knot the size of a baseball where it used to hurt when we were their age¾ Mind Over Matter!